Seven Holiday Tips for Caregivers

While the holidays can be a joyous season for many families, they can also feel stressful for those who are caring for a loved one who has a disability or is living with dementia. Navigating family dynamics, holiday traditions, and your loved one’s unique needs can bring up feelings of frustration and overwhelm, exacerbated by a sense of loss. However, incorporating a few of these holiday tips for caregivers can help make this holiday experience better for you and your loved one.

Tips for Caregivers for an Enjoyable Holiday Season

1. Prepare family and friends in advance.

It’s important that you connect with family and friends who will be joining your holiday gathering to share an update on your loved one, especially if there have been changes in communication or appearance or increased memory loss. By talking with everyone in advance, you can help maintain your loved one’s dignity and put guests at ease.

2. Simplify and modify your traditions.

Consider simplifying your holiday traditions to lessen stress and expectations on yourself and on your loved one.
For example, rather than celebrating with a holiday dinner, a lunchtime meal may be a better option if your loved one feels their best earlier in the day. If you typically cook for all of your guests, consider switching to a potluck-style meal for which each guest brings a dish to share. Many restaurants also offer holiday meals that can be ordered in advance, offering traditional dishes without the preparation and clean-up.

If a larger gathering seems overwhelming for your loved one or yourself, you may find that a smaller celebration is both easier to manage and more meaningful.

3. Set your loved one up for success.

Before your gathering, consider how your loved one shows signs of agitation, stress, or discomfort. This will help you recognize and respond to those signs early, helping your loved one – and guests – feel more comfortable and at ease.

Signs of distress could include:

• Withdrawal and seeking isolation
• Repetitive actions or speech
• Pacing
• Outbursts

If you find your loved one seeking isolation during your gathering, allow them that time and space to decompress.
When memory loss is involved, ask that guests introduce themselves to your loved one and share how they know or are related to them. Even better, invite guests to wear name tags during the gathering.

4. Create a soothing holiday space.

Wherever you’ll be celebrating the holidays, creating a supportive environment can help avoid overwhelming your loved one during the gathering:

• Offer foods that your loved one enjoys, that they recognize, and that will be easy to eat.
• Incorporate level-appropriate activities that your person can participate in so they feel included.
• Choose soothing background music at a low volume. Whenever possible, encourage guests to speak one at a time to limit background noise.
• Limit holiday decorations. Avoid potential tripping hazards and clutter that may overwhelm your loved one.
• Ensure proper lighting and room temperature. Ample light allows your loved one to better see others’ faces and navigate from one area to the next. A space that is too cold or too warm can cause discomfort and distress for your loved one.
• Set the dining table with a tablecloth, placemats, and/or dishes in contrasting colors to make each easy to distinguish and provide your loved one visual cues.
• Create or locate a calm, quiet space where your loved one can retreat and take a break. Having a couple activities at the ready that help them unwind can offer them respite, for example watching a favorite movie, going for a walk, or sorting and folding laundry.

5. If your loved one is living with dementia, encourage positive communication between your loved one and guests.

• When recounting past memories, begin with, “I remember when…” Avoid questions such as, “Do you remember when…?”
• Be mindful of your tone of voice and speaking volume. Dementia does not mean deaf. Speaking clearly and slowly, and allowing the person ample time to respond can help facilitate a positive conversation.
• Maintain eye contact. If the person uses a wheelchair, meet them at eye level. Do not talk down to them.
• Do not call attention to the use of incorrect or inaccurate words, names, dates, or times.
• Be patient. Go with the flow and be flexible and ready to change plans and conversation topics.
• Focus on how you make your loved one feel.

These conversation tips can also be downloaded and shared with family and friends.

6. Create opportunities for joy and connection.

Finding simple, intentional ways to connect with your loved one can make for a more enjoyable holiday season.

• Involve your loved one in holiday preparation – whether preparing a meal, baking or decorating cookies, or crafting holiday décor for the space – modifying the activity as needed to meet them where they are. No matter our abilities, we all feel valued when we can contribute to celebrations.
• Build a playlist of your loved one’s favorite music or holiday tunes to play during celebrations.
• Show your appreciation for your loved one with smiles, hugs, and laughter.
• Ensure guests greet your loved one when they arrive and say goodbye when leaving.
• Incorporate light physical activity like taking a walk together, washing or drying dishes, or playing catch.
• Thank your loved one for their help and tell them how much they mean to you.

7. Set aside time for self-care.

While it can be challenging to make time for your own self-care between the bustle of the holidays and caring for a loved one, it is important to prioritize your well-being. Choosing a few ways to show yourself compassion, care for yourself, or ask for support can ease the stress this holiday season and help prevent burnout.

• Make time to mingle with family and friends and enjoy their company.
• Graciously accept offers of support and help from guests.
• Ask others for help, and be specific. Ask guests to pitch in with meal preparation or run errands ahead of your gathering.
• Do your best to take photos and videos to capture special memories.
• Allow yourself to let go of traditions that are no longer enjoyable or possible. Make new memories with new traditions.
• Join a support group, seek out caregiver resources, or confide in others in similar phases of life. This 2023 conversation about surviving and thriving as a caregiver discusses the importance of caring for the caregiver.

With a bit of preparation, empathy, and compassion – for your loved one, family, friends, and yourself – you, too, can experience the joy of the holiday season.